Words Really Do Matter

The other day, I got into a spirited discussion with a fellow I have been friendly with for several years. The nature of this disagreement isn't important here. Rather, what's germaine is some of the things said.

In the course of our discussion, this fellow said a few things that, given the wisdom of hindsight, he probably wishes he hadn't. But words uttered stay pertinent until the speaker amends it by either apologizing or clarifying his intent.

An ex-boss of mine once said, "Words matter." He was right -- even if he didn't believe it himself. (This same fellow once told me I would have a job in his organization for life. I was fired six months later by one of his underlings and he never called or said a thing to me. On another occasion, he told a person who had left the organization to call him and he would help wherever possible. This person did -- called him twice, in fact. He never called back.)

We all tend to forget this thing about words at one time or another. Sometimes, we promise to help a person move or meet with somebody who needs our help. Then, we get the chance to golf or go to a ballgame and we take back our word.

A while back, there was a big hullabaloo over a Hillary Clinton statement regarding Lyndon Johnson and Martin Luther King. Because Mrs. Clinton didn't go to on explain her statement, her backers took it one way and her opponents took it another.

Words -- if not used carefully -- can be used against you.

It's not always our fault. Sometimes, we just didn't know that a certain term was derogatory or could be considered mean-spirited. When you work in my business, you hear coaches say things to officials and players you know they didn't mean personally. That's different -- it is something uttered during the course of an intense game.

But there are times when you really need to, as my mother used to say, "Watch your mouth." We've all done it -- said things we regretted later. To those I did that to and haven't apologized properly for, I do so now. I was young and stupid.

I am sure I will run into the fellow I had the disagreement with down the line. When I do see him, I won't bring the previous discussion up because there is no need to. The issue has been settled. But elephants remember.

I am more than ready to take my lumps when I say or write something that upsets someone. If I can defend it, I will. If I review it and decide I was out of line, I would hope I would be up to admitting it. That's only fair.

Funny thing about my ex-boss I mentioned earlier. I was recently asked what I remember about him. My first thought is he gave his word on a certain issue and didn't keep it. In the end, nothing else about him mattered.

If I ever see him again, I must thank him for a lesson learned.